Carry You Home
by violets92
Summary: [Songfic] Because he knows…he knows she’s not Megan Reeves anymore. MeganColby friendship. PostThirteen contains small spoilers.


**Hey everyone. I saw the episode "Thirteen" today, and I heard this song and I thought immediately of the chat at the end of the episode with Megan and Colby. I hope you like it, and it's not really a shippy piece, but if you want to take it that way, you're more than welcome to. :)**

**Song is "Carry You Home" by James Blunt.**

* * *

_Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.  
Makes her body older than it really is_

She's breaking. He can see it. It's all too much, even for her. What she's been through these past few months…even he can't fathom it. She's trying to hold herself together and if he's being honest with himself, even he can admit that she's doing a better job than anyone he'd ever seen try, but in trying to be as strong as she once was, she's lost herself. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she was living a double life as some other person.

Because he knows…he knows she's not Megan Reeves anymore.

She's a broken shell.

_She says it's high time she went away_

She'd once told him that she wanted to get away. _really_ get away. That she needed to get out. Not just for five weeks…forever. The first time she'd said it, he'd simply said "I know". But he didn't. Not really. She'd told him again and for a moment he was terrified that she'd meant something bigger, something more permanent. Then he'd realized she's seen far too many suicide victims' families. She'd always been so vehement about never putting anyone through that.

He'd always told her to stay strong.

It dawns on him that maybe he's been asking too much.

_As strong as you were, tender you go.  
I'm watching you breathing for the last time._

She's so different now. She'd never been a woman of steel, but she'd always been strong enough to keep herself going. Watching her fall apart was almost too much for him to bear.

There was one time when he was in hospital that he'd first seen the mission's effect on her. One of the doctors had come in and told them both what he'd been poisoned with. When the woman paused and said the words "torture drugs", he could have sworn Megan was going to faint. She'd excused herself quickly and he thought she'd gone home, but hours later when he was half asleep, he could feel her sitting at his bedside crying.

He sees her leaning against the balcony now, a few tears running down her face as she looks at pictures of the torture victims from the last case. He doesn't say anything, but stands beside her. He'd learnt in hospital that the best thing was just to have someone there beside you, letting you know they care. 

And as he hears her breathe, he hopes to God it's enough now.

_If she had wings she would fly away_

He watches her at her desk every day now. She's there far more often than she used to be. He knows he's not a profiler, but he can guess she's taking another approach to handling her emotions. It's one that he's tried before…he's tried nearly everything before, but he can see her crumbling and he knows throwing herself into her work isn't going to help. Not with this job. Not with all she's been through.

He's heard her cancel at least five dates with Larry, and as much as he's hated their relationship, he's kind of wishing she'd go out to dinner with Fleinhardt again. At least that way he'd know she wasn't so messed up. 

Though as she watches her explain something to Don, Colby wonders if she'll ever get a break from inside her own head.

He wonders if she'll get away. If it'll ever end.

_And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,  
Under the Stars and Stripes._

He finds her down in the morgue looking at the body of a little girl. The girl's from their latest case and they both know she's exactly four years and eleven months old. After looking at the crime scene photos all day, neither of them got any sleep last night. However, as heartbreaking and horrible as the situation is, it isn't the little girl he's worried about now.

Megan's looking between the girl and him with tears in her eyes, and he knows. He knows exactly what she's thinking, and he wishes he didn't, because then it wouldn't mean that he'd seen the exact same expression on his friend's face so many times before.

"I can't do this anymore Colby."

"I know. I can't watch you do it anymore."

And they both look at the tiny body, both fully aware that it's the smallest murder victim they've ever fought for justice for. He knows they're both thinking the same thing. The world is going to hell.

He has to stop a tear falling from his eye as he looks at the kid and hears Megan break down. It's not just the little girl's life that's been taken.

The job's destroyed Megan's too.

_But when it is quiet,  
I know what it means and I'll carry you home._

He walks into the nearest bar after the case is over, fully intending to get smashed and vent to the bartender in a drunken stupor. However, he stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees _her_ sitting there at the bar.

She's drumming her fingers against the glass of what he can only guess is vodka and she barely looks up as he sits down next to her. He wants to say something, but everything he comes up with would be an idiotic, ignorant question. He knows she's not even _close_ to okay, and she knows _exactly_ why she's here. Troubled minds think alike. 

So he stays silent and orders a beer. He's not going to get trashed while she's here. It seems she knows what he's thinking too, because she looks at him kind of quizzically, knowing that he's toning it down. He ignores the obvious mind-probing and gives her a sad sort of half smile.

After quite a few more vodkas he can tell she's a bit beyond her regular state of mind, and before he can even begin to think of what to do next, she's telling him everything. How they made her watch as they tortured people to see if they were telling the truth, how they threatened to do the same to her unless she gave them the information that they needed, how they wouldn't let her go until she'd watched the very last person being "interrogated".

How she didn't even want to face Larry anymore.

He knew she was hurt, but what she was telling him was enough to make him want to punch a wall in.

Usually, it was him and David doing this, and after getting smashed beyond hope, they'd wake up with a killer headache the next morning, go to work and everything was normal again. But this…this is different. He's in shock, and he's angry that anyone would ever want to put a woman like Megan through this. She's broken, and it's going to take so much more than a few rounds of hard liquor for normal to reach her again.

When she starts to get slightly hysterical, he grabs her arm gently, places a bill on the bar and leads her outside to his car. She's still talking, still crying, still breaking his heart, but she seems to calm down – if only a little - at the gentle breeze.

"I don't know what to do Colby." She stops and looks at him as if asking for advice. "For once in my life, I have absolutely no idea what to do." He swallows, and it seems as if his voice will fails him if he tries to speak. So he doesn't.

He just pulls her to him in the most compassionate hug he's ever given.

After a few seconds, he feels her arms around his waist and the sleeve of his t-shirt being soaked through. They stand like that, next to his car, until her tear ducts fail her and she literally can't cry anymore. He shushes her as she takes a deep breath and apologises.

He can see passers-by stopping to look at them, some curious, some touched and some disgusted, and he wants to tell them all to scram, but he's distracted from his thoughts as Megan takes a step back and wipes her eyes, giving him a half guilty, half grateful look. He gives her a reassuring smile in return.

"Come on, I'll take you home."

They drive in silence the whole way to her apartment. She's looking out the window, a solemn look on her face and he knows it's going to take a lot more than a hug to put the pieces back together. He can't get over what they put her through, and he swears on his life that he's going to make her whole again.

He walks her up to her apartment, letting her lean on him so she doesn't fall over and make her night worse. He can't recall a time where she's ever had to physically lean on him for support. When they reach her door, she fumbles for her keys, and once she's found them she turns to face him.

"Thanks for everything Colby." He nods in response and she places a hand on his arm. "You're a good friend." She begins to open her door and turns back. "If you ever need anything…"

"Yeah. I know." He only says it to stop her though, because in the state she's in, he won't ever try and lay any of his problems on her. "If _you_ ever need anything…don't be afraid to ask for help Megan. I know I haven't been through quite as much, but I'm always here to listen."

He doesn't know how, but suddenly, he's holding her again, and he's almost being suffocated by her hug. He smiles into her hair, even though he knows if she were sober she wouldn't be doing this.

"You really are a good man Colby."

And it's clear, as long as they have each other, they're going to be okay. _Megan's_ going to be okay.


End file.
